Watching the Harry Potter movies because I always enjoyed them and now they just make me sad. The scene where Harry brings Cedric back to the castle and his dad finds out - it made me start bawling. Because I know exactly how he felt - even though it was scripted. I could feel that ripping of the heart and the separation of soul. I still feel that every day.
But I'm trying. I am trying to maintain a brave face. Trying to get through each day without tearing my hair out, without losing my shit. Work helps some but not much. I'd much rather sit in my pajamas in my house and mire in my grief. Not speak to anyone, not go out, not socialize. But, I'm trying. I went out on Saturday with a friend to a float spa and dinner. I check in with my best friend every day. I text my sister, my eldest daughter, and my dad and try to make a point of calling my dad once a week.
... Family, that's another thing. Family pisses me off. Not the above mentioned family members but others. We had my daughter's wake last weekend. NOT A SIGNLE ONE OF THEM SHOWED UP. No one called me. No one texted me. No one even bothered to email me. To be clear, these are the ones on my maternal side. Half siblings and their kids. No one. The only one who bothered was my nephew's wife. She volunteered to do the slideshow for us. But the others, not a one. I want to know why.
Is it because she was gay? Is it because she was married to a trans man? Is it because she didn't "accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior"? Is it because she was MY daughter and you could give a shit less about me? That part you've proven time and time again. The words that come out of your mouth don't match your actions and I've always been a big believer in taking actions over words any day.
So who cares if my daughter was gay? She was kind, considerate, honest, open and loving. So what if her husband is trans? He's the same and she loved him with her whole heart and he loves her. So what if she wasn't religious or didn't believe the same as you did? Your religion is close-minded, self-centered and egotistical. Just because she didn't share your beliefs doesn't mean she wasn't worthy. She was a better person than you'll ever be with your hypocritical, elitist, entitled attitude.
Your kids are no better than mine. The one that's no longer with us and the one that is are both worth just as much if not more than yours. Just because I didn't raise them the way you would have doesn't mean they aren't. I raised my kid(s) to be open, honest, caring, and to make their own decisions about the world. Not to fear things they don't understand. They learned about their worlds through experiences, not parental decree. You'd never understand that because you aren't human enough to.
So, dear half-sister, half-brother, and all the others, you can kiss my fat, LBGTQ-
ally, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and dignity ass. You can text me as much as you want. I've turned off notifications. You can try to call, I won't answer. You can run to "mother" and cry about how unfairly you've been treated, I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, you're no longer in the realm of my family.
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