Life

Is just too short for it to end this way. I'm definitely in the denial stage of grief. How the hell could this vital, important, kind man be taken away by something so twisted and cruel? I just don't understand how or why = there are people out there who say that there's a reason for everything, but I can't see how there could be a reason for this. First thing this year, we lost a 12 year old child, now we lose one of our kindest, warmest, most open teachers. Help me get through this please.

Don't understand this

How the hell can the President earn an income of 1.7 Million dollars then get a refund of over 12K?? My husband and I earned less than 50K last year and couldn't even get EIC so our refund wasn't even 2K. What the hell kind of ridiculous shit is that? It's not about who the president is either, it's just the fact that only the rich in this country keep getting richer while the rest of us get the shaft!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/18/obama-taxes-income_n_850649.html?icid=maing-grid7|main5|dl1|sec1_lnk3|56791

Pissed off

Mother,

Would you like to know why I never call you, never want to visit or spend any time with you? It’s because you’ve manipulated me, stole from me and lied about me my whole life. I am so pissed right now that hatred doesn’t even cover how I feel about you. I loath who you are as a person; I abhor the way you treat others; and I detest what you’ve put me through my entire life. You stole from me one of the most precious things I ever have had in my life and I’ll never forgive you for that. I am only glad that you never had the opportunity to get your hands on Kate and she detests you almost as much as I do. That’s some small satisfaction – especially because she came to that conclusion on her own without me badmouthing you to her. I’ve never said a bad word about you to her. She saw on her own how manipulative and conniving you are.

All my life I’ve lived in fear of you. When I was a little girl, I lived in terror because I never knew what I’d do to piss you – especially after you beat me black and blue just because I wrote a bad word on the sidewalk – I was SEVEN YEARS OLD!!! I didn’t know what the word bastard meant! Yet you picked up that paddle and beat me until I couldn’t sit down and had bruises on my legs and butt for two weeks. Then sending me off to school as though nothing happened. You were always complaining that your “mother” beat you yet you repeated the pattern. Oh maybe not always with your fists or the paddle or a belt, but with your words. Those were enough to cut me in two until I actually believed that I was stupid, fat and ugly. How could a mother who supposedly loves her child do that? I was never fat until I started believing you, never ugly (and am still not) and I have never been stupid. I lived with that all my life knowing you felt that way about me. And now that I’m almost 41…I don’t give a damn what you think anymore.

Over the course of the years, I have allowed you to take from me and take from me, but not any more. The one thing I will not allow you to do is lie about me to my daughter. That’s right, I said MY daughter. Because Ami is my daughter no matter what you claim. You stole her from me and you’ve lied to her for her entire life about me and I won’t let you do it any more. I’m setting the record straight now that you have NO RIGHT to interfere in our relationship – I’ve never interfered in hers with you so you need to stop interfering in mine. It’s HER choice whether she wants to spend time with me or not, NOT yours. She is an adult, not a child and capable of making her own decisions. But the problem is you keep bad mouthing me to her and I’m sick and tired of it. You’ve lied to her about me for the last time and if you continue to do so, you’ll never hear from me again.

I’m so tired of you lying about me. I’m tired of you accusing me of doing drugs – I never did drugs when I was pregnant. I will admit that I smoked pot while in college at WIU but NEVER while I was pregnant or after that. It never interested me. I never smoked while I was pregnant with Ami (or Jason either) for the record and I’m tired of you telling her that I did. She never slept in a drawer – we had a bassinet. And I NEVER WANTED TO GIVE HER TO YOU! You were the only choice and I thought, as my mother, you’d be on my side. I guess I found out differently when we went to go pick her up on our way to Missouri and you had us meet you at a lawyer’s office with cops no less. You are the one that took her away, you didn’t give me a chance to be a mother – you just decided that I wasn’t good enough – like you always thought – and I got my child taken from me. You always said I never fought for her – how could I? You had all this “evidence” and the money. I never stood a chance. So yes, I gave up fighting but never gave up hope.

Of course you crushed that when y’all moved back here – never let me spend time with her, pretended she was my sister – how cruel is that? I never wanted anything from you – except my daughter. You ruined even that for me. And now she’s a grown woman with her own mind and making her own decisions. And I NEVER talk bad about you to her, that’s not my place but even now, you’re so narcissistic that you can’t let it go you have to bad mouth me at every chance you get. Well fuck you MOM. I’m sick and tired of it. I’m tired of you and your bullshit and I’m tired of you trying to manipulate me. You know what I said to Dad when he told me he’d hired an attorney and was divorcing you? I asked what took him so long! I was GLAD because it meant that I didn’t have to stay in contact with you as much and could spend more time with him because I knew he loved me. You only want me around to keep emotionally abusing me. Not any more. I won’t let you come between me and my health and that’s what you’ve done for too long. The schizophrenia that your mother had? Guess who inherited it? Guess where Jason got it from? It wasn’t me….you’re the one who needs mental help.

You know how I keep saying I want nothing from you when you die? I really don’t. I don’t want a damn thing from the woman that ruined my life. I’ve finally gotten my life back and I’m keeping it….and you out of it. Don’t contact me, don’t call me and don’t expect me or my family to visit, unless you decide to straighten out and learn how to be a human being with real feelings. I don’t want you in my life any more.

Tanya

Okay so it's the last official day of Spring Break (the joys of being a teacher and getting the same vacation as the kids) and I haven't accomplished anything. I have sat on my couch or outside in a lawn chair and read five books, and done absolutely nothing else. Even today I'm supposed to go get my tire fixed, grocery shop for our weekend camping trip and I can't get my lazy ass off the couch or my eyes away from this computer long enough. What's up with that? I don't know I guess I just don't get to really relax all that often and that's what this week has really been, relaxation. I wanted to do more; grade papers (as per usual), laundry, clean my bedroom (it really needs it) but nope. Just procrastinated to the point where there is no time left. Oh well. Summer is in three months. Maybe I'll get another chance.

Snow Day!!

Well, today has been boring! It snowed today, a little - we live in San Antonio - but it snowed as much as it can in Texas and so we've had ourselves a snow day. I've been sitting at home with my daughter all day doing not a damn thing. Watching boring tv, reading a book, playing video games and sitting on my butt. Of course I could be doing productive things but hey, it's a snow day! I deserve to have one day of sloth right? After all, my husband's in Vegas enjoying himself all alone so why not?